Here are a few “gems” I wrote on my old blog after my most recent visits to the dentist. They’re pretty much something your 8-year-old (genius) would write…. and you would totally hang on the refrigerator.
A poem for the dentist sans punctuation or any discernible structure -2007
Why must you hurt me with your fancy tools
scraping and scraping while my mouth just drools
You hurt me in many horrible ways
no wonder I waited almost 365 days
I will be back so my teeth don’t rot
and I vow to remember the lessons you taught
I will brush and floss and swish it all
but all the while I will be dreading this fall
A poem for the dentist sans punctuation or any discernible structure: part deux – 2008
I went to see you and you made me blue
telling me I have cavities and I need fillings too
Just because I rarely floss doesn’t make you my boss
but I guess you are only trying to prevent my tooth loss
And that’s special
A poem for the dentist sans punctuation or any discernible structure: part tres -2008
You hurt me once
You hurt me twice
You hurt me so much
And that’s not nice
I went to see you so my teeth would be clean
But you decided you had to be mean
You used the sonic cleaner and dug all about
I cringed my eyes watered and I wanted to shout
But I didn’t I just hid my pain
Until the blood from my gums began to rain
Then you lectured me about flossing and the like
I listened but wanted you to take a hike
Unfortunately I must heed your words
If I don’t want my teeth to look like little turds
And I don’t
I really don’t
A poem for the dentist sans punctuation or any discernible structure: part IV – 2009
I could hear your sighs
And read the disappointment in your eyes
As you looked at my x-ray
And talked about my tooth decay
So I don’t like flossing all the time
You don’t have to act like I’ve committed a crime
I know I have a lot of stupid cavities
But be nice and quiet since I pay your fees
Your hygienist was nice and didn’t hurt my tender gums
But seeing you made me want to take a bottle of Tums
And that’s saying a lot since I have a digestive disease and am used to stomach issues
The end